Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize