I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
