Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
