Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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