You made me cry and you don't even care
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
