Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
