dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
