i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
