shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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