i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
