Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
