im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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