Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
