So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
