Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
