Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think I just sharted jello shots
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