we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize