It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
