I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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