I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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