Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
