Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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