The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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