____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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