what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
