PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
