I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
