Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Randomize
