i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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