meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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