how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
