the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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