why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
