Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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