definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
