we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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