So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
