once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
