apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
