It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
