he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
