i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
