Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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