omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
