did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
