who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
