cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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