so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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