Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
