If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
