she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
