Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
