my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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