some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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