I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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