I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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