Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
