we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
