i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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