Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
