So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize